Christmas Day

Playing with my new DS

in my new outfit!

Traditions

My husband and I have our family traditions, for example we go to the Cider Mill every fall (while we are there we go on the hay ride no matter how cheesy it is, another tradition), we go to my in-laws for Halloween, we read about the birth of Christ on Christmas morning, etc. Our extended family also has tradition. On Christmas Eve we all come together in one moment, one accord, one family, united by love to celebrate the season with a toast. We all have a shot of Drambooie! Sometimes we get emotional and cry, sometimes we laugh, sometimes it’s just what it is, a toast, but no matter what happens- it holds a special place for all of us. Year after year we react the same way when the Drambooie goes down the hatch, lots of coughing, sputtering, laughing and unnatural facial expressions! This Christmas, like all the ones prior, had its tradition, this Christmas Eve had its toast…and it was one to remember, forever…

My husband’s aunt passed away on December 2nd. It was extremely difficult for all. The unit allowed him to come home for 6 days in December. It was a HUGE blessing! I can’t even begin to put it into words. We weren’t suppose to see him until the deployment was completely over. It was so wonderful despite the reason why he was coming home. It was a gift from his Aunt (and from God, of course) to all of us. Months prior to this, my husband, unbeknown to me bought beautiful brown marble shot glasses. He wanted me to use them for our Christmas Eve tradition. When he came home he brought the glasses with him. While he was home he went over the "plan." I was suppose to “bust” out the glasses on Christmas Eve and start a new tradition of using these particular shot glasses from now on. The problem with the "plan" was I didn’t want to use those glasses without him. It was set on not using them until the next year when we would all (the whole family) be together again. Nope, wasn’t doing it. After his fun filled, family packed six days are up he goes back to the sandbox. Now that he was gone he couldnt make me do anything I didnt want to do, HA! I figured he would be a little mad at me but he would get over it. That was MY plan, no glasses. Let me tell you, the man can still manage to get into my head and from hundreds of miles away. He gave me this whole sob story of how important it was to him, blah, blah, blah. Alright so I took the glasses to mom and dads on Christmas Eve but I left them in my van, just in case I didn’t want to use them. I wasn’t sure yet how I felt about this whole thing. I was facing Christmas without him (for the first time ever) and this whole marble shot glass thing was a little too much for me.

So the moment arrives and I am in turmoil, I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS without my husband but I also didnt want to hurt my husbands feelings. I did not want to cry, I did not want to explain this new tradition. I just wanted to have our traditional shot and call it good. It was already an emotional day to begin with, our aunt had passed away and my husband was/is deployed….AAAAHHHHHH! I didn’t know what to do!

We did two rounds; normally we do one at the same time. We didn’t have enough glasses for each one of us- so the brothers, dad and I went first and then the wives, me AGAIN, and mom went second. For each round we left one glass empty for my husband.

It was great, it was emotional, it was sad, it was fun, it was hard, it was special and it was emotionally draining. What amazes me is, my husband, though very far away, managed to bring our family even closer together, during one of the most difficult times we have ever faced.

And what did we toast to? We toasted to those who couldn’t be with us, our wonderful Aunt Patty and my loving husband Jamie (whom we both love and miss you deeply).

Did I cry? You bet I did. I guess it’s a good thing I had two very large shots of Drambooie to get me through it “ )

Christmas Eve at church.

Christmas Eve, Eve

Christmas Eve, Eve. I cant believe we are so close to Christmas. It really doesn't feel like it at all. My house has been decorated since the week of Thanksgiving, my tree has been up and I put Christmas lights outside (which was no small task. I had no idea where to find an extension cord and believe it or not, I had no idea where to plug them in) yet it doesn't feel like Christmas. I am trying so hard to get into the holiday spirit. I have made cookies and fudge, I have wrapped presents, I have attended Christmas concerts and a Christmas play, and I have consistently reminded myself what I am thankful for and what Christmas is truly about. Yet it still doesn't feel like Christmas. My husband tells me I need to be happy and enjoy the time with our family. I am happy, I will enjoy the time with our family but it still (so far) doesn't feel like Christmas. I don't want the holiday to blow by like a 50 mile an hour wind gust. I have to do my best to make this Christmas as normal as possible for our girls. Yet, things are not normal. Their daddy, for the first time ever, will not be here Christmas morning. I know that Christmas isn't about presents and food and socializing. I know what Christmas is about, I really do, maybe that's why this is so hard for me. I want to celebrate Gods gift to the world with the gift God gave me specifically, my husband.

Welcome!

Here I am and here you are. Welcome to my blog, actually welcome to my life! Due to the advice of my sister-in-law (she thinks this will be therapeutic, so...) I am starting this blog. My name is Stephanie, I am an Army wife. My husband is an AGR (Active Guard Reserve) soldier. He is full time (active duty) but he works for the Reserves. He is currently in Iraq. This is our first deployment and most likely will not be our last. We are not on an active duty installation which makes this deployment a little lonely at times (hence this blog). We have two daughters- they are 10 and 6 years old. They are very proud of their dad but they struggle at times with missing him, as do I.

I am going to do my best to make this blog interesting for you- though it is about my life and my life is only somewhat interesting " ) My goal is to share my insanity (and my sanity though there isn't much of that these days), my hopes, my fears, my love/hate relationship with the Army, my joys and my sorrows with you. I hope you cry with me, laugh with me and share your own life with me. Please join me on this roller coaster called life...

my every day, life!